it's been a while

I've almost forgotten what it felt like to be able to juz write,
to let my words spin a tale of its own,
and dance to a rythm of its own.
i've forgotten how it felt like to write without
convictions,and clearly with no objectives,
to cast inhibitions to the winds and
to lose myself in a whirl of words.
i've forgotten how words had
a magical compelling way of tellin a story,
my story.

I wish i were wiser,
blessed with the learned minds
of the wordly.
Then,maybe,my story would have turned out differently,
and words would have a different story to tell.
I wish i could have seen the way things would have turned out,
then maybe,
if i could turn back the hands of time,
things would have turned out differently,
and not the way it is today.
Is this self-pity i sense?
To wallow in this vicious trap,
to dwell on stagnant grief, i fear.
I want to move on,
but the nightmares that lurk in the depths
of my sub-conscious mind continues to haunt me.
Sometimes,i feel like as if i could move on
but looking at you only refreshes the pain,
the memories that i'm tryin so hard to conceal.
I wish i could have done something,
but all these words only evince the real coward i am.