To my lovely fierce dancers!

Thanks for giving me the experience of a lifetime!

For the first time in my life,
i can really say that results are secondary,
and that wad really matters is not the final result
but the bitter-sweet journey we took to get there...
i now know what it's like to look back and smile with pride not regret,
to be able to say that we've clearly given our best and that there's clearly no room for regret.
And i know that e past few months of intensely gruellin training were not for naught,
coz i got you dancers in return!

my sarah.bimbo who's always there to comfort me wen i can't get certain steps rite,thanks for goin thru the rolls with me like dunoe how many zillion times,tracy too!,haha and tt crazy cindy who can't stop speakin chinese weneva she's nervous,you cheena pek! sim yi,i hope i gt your name rite,aka the china acrobat! and jelisa for updatin me on all the j1s gossips..the lovely sonja who wld push us gently on our splits,unlike scary sharon! hahah,and of course e smelly melly we all love to suan! naonao! the gal who eats like nobody's business you greedy pig! Ester with her blank lk,and blur moments! Geraldine the ultimate bimbo! eccentric charmaine with quirky habits like puttin your feet in the floor trap?!?! Audrey whom i learnt how to knit from! n tt big mouth hui qing who talks non-stop! thank you gals for redefining e word dance in my dictionary!

i love you gals!

to the guy who picked sleep over me twice,thanks
the cake n wiltin roses are only remains of my unappreciated effort

receipe for the first cake i eva made

1.2 hours of desperate search fr gelatin and nestle creme

+ 0.2hours of unhelpful grunts from assistants of 3 diff outlets

+ 0.5hours of walkin under the hot sun with blocks of cheese,a tin of peaches,butter,boxes of digestive biscuits,lemon essense,aluminiun trays,and of course the gelatin and nestle creme

+1.5hours of blendin the biscuits to make the base only to find out 4 hours later i added way too lil butter

+0.3hours of repetitive mixin of base wif loads more butter again

+3.1hours of blendin the cheese wif sugar,gelatin,lemony,and creme

+2.0hours of rapid coolin in the freezer to set the cake so tt i cld surprise you later

= to a guy who chose sleep over me,foilin my pleasant surprise

Happy 18th birthday,and sweetdreams

Everything's fallin apart,and nothing's goin my way...

i've never felt more insignificant,more unwanted than now,
it juz seems like i'm nt needed anymore.
I stood there by the sideline,watching the whirl of frantic frenzy pass me by,my invisible presence more obscured than eva.
It's a tiring battle trying to fight back the tears that keep threatening to fall,
to put on my plastered smile and breeze through the gals with feigned happiness,
only to find myself crumble in seclusion at the end of it all..
i never knew playin e insignificant role would be this difficult..

there are so many things i'd like to say to you,
so many things i wish u'd juz hear me say..


i always thot you knew,
knew the special place you held in my heart.
knew that u were not juz some other guy to me,
but the man who've come to mean the world to me.
knew that my best smiles were reserved only for you.
knew that i only felt the happiest weneva you were around.
knew that you were all i eva wanted,n all tt i cld eva ask for..
i guess you wldn't noe then how much i really love you,
that the more i love you,the more afraid i am of losing you..
i fear the day you'd have to leave me,
coz i noe that nothing will eva be the same again without you...



I'm sorry i wasn't aware of your insecurities,
sorry that i never noticed e pain.
i juz wish u'd take me to your secret place,
and reveal your inner thots to me.
i noe everyone needs their moment of solitude,
a fraction of time they can call their own.
it's smt i've come to understand,
that sometimes,a lil time alone is probably the best therapy..
pardon my impatience, my ignorance, my inabilty to see beyond myself..
i was juz hurt you didn't wan to let me in,
that you've chosen to exclude me in your world,
but i'm still waiting,
waiting for that moment u'd open up to me eventually..

i love you my lion,protector,you bo,weak green spoon worm,hairy monster,the king of my heart

My stars collided on me today..

Everything juz went wrong tday,
or most dreadfully known to many as the bad day..

My bra strap juz snapped! like wth?!
and i alr told you tt i really wanted to tie my hair,
it's so friggin hot,besides, ive always been against gals who refused to tie their hair in school wen it's obviously dry alr,no offence,but ya,maybe i'm juz jealous of their long hair.but i've also alr explained to you tt mine's seriously outta shape,i juz had to tie it! lest i also wan mrs loh buggin at me! you dun get it
i thot things cldn't hav been worse,but it took an ugly awful turn wen i lost my beat tday.maybe she juz decided to abandon me tday
My timing was all over the place
i fumbled,
n he screamed
n it seemed tt e more he screamed e more i fumbled,
it was juz so diff tryin to gather my nerves back tgh and step in line wif the next routine noein tt in the last moment he juz friggin screamed his lungs out at me,and pretend tt i've escaped from his merciless scrutiny,and shove some annoyin broodin notion tt he's juz waitin fr me to commit my next mistake so he can scream some more aside n juz dance properly.
i juz lost it tday,i swear i almost cried in fornt of him tday if nt fr my stubborn pride and wad lil dignity i had left to hold it all in..
i walked out of dance tday with
blisters covered feet,
achin body,
battered soul,
a cut in my wounded self


and you juz dun get it